Has my Montessori nursery made me a better parent?
Five Lessons Learned from our First Term at Playhood
When my daughter turned one and we were considering childcare options, we included a local Montessori nursery in our viewings. Like many parents, I’d heard of the Montessori approach - of its focus on developing independence and individuality - but had unfairly brushed it off as a bit stuffy and serious.
Being truthful, before visiting Playhood I was more attracted by the on-site coworking space. Visualising myself finally being productive again in a beautiful big office, with just one commute, was hugely appealing.
A New Start
Our tour was eye-opening to say the least. The immaculate office and nursery garden studio met all of my expectations and more (when do you ever have barista level coffee and nursery anywhere near each other). Meeting Karen, Playhood’s owner and founder, and Laura, the Head of School, was a lightbulb moment. I could see how being a part of this community would give our family so much of what we longed for.
As a mother, I relate most to the permissive style of parenting, which is really nurturing and very child led. The flip side is I struggle with setting healthy limits. I’m also an over-planner - someone who measures their value in productivity - and used to think that flinging my daughter around all the local baby groups was the only way to get through the day.
It wasn’t until just after lockdown that Playhood opened. I can’t honestly believe the difference it’s made to us both in a few short months. As we head off on our holidays and look forward to new members joining in the autumn term, it’s been a good chance to reflect.
Twice a day, we get to spend time with our children when we drop off and collect them. Throughout the week we’ll cross paths with Laura several times to share anything of note - usually a funny story but it could be a potty training strategy or new developments our child is showing whilst more formal lunchtime workshops provide group learning opportunities.
Having that support from someone who knows your toddler inside out, who carries years of childhood education and is the kindest of souls - is so transformative. Here are just some of the things I’ve learned in 2 months:
1. Telling off doesn’t work.
Every day, Laura shows us with our own children that we don’t need to resort to statements like, “I told you not to do that,” or even to use an annoyed tone. She is so well practised at using a calm voice to remind the children of what we want them to do. She shows us how much willing cooperation we can achieve if we try to understand what they’re telling us with their actions.
2. Conflict is good.
Rather than trying to avoid situations where our preschoolers have to share, Laura knows that every tussle is an opportunity to teach them lifelong conflict resolution skills. She helps each child vocalise their wishes and come up with a plan together. I’ve noticed that my daughter is far more willing to listen when she feels her needs are heard first.
3. Respect in everything.
A key Montessori philosophy, each child is helped to feel valued and respected in every part of their Playhood experience. Two big ways in which we see that are giving children responsibility in setting things up and clearing away, and regularly seeking their consent to help instil healthy boundaries.
4. The value of unstructured play.
I used to place such high value on back-to-back activities that ‘challenge’ our children in different situations. Embracing the Montessori approach of letting children explore their own fascinations through long periods of unstructured play has changed family life for the better.
We know our daughter better by observing where her interests take her, and it’s also far less draining than leading everything. I can see her mind going deeper when her play is self-directed, and through Playhood I’ve learned how to be more of an equal playmate rather than try to control or fix.
5. Skills for life
Through all of the above, the environment at Playhood is as safe and nurturing as our own homes. The environment created by Karen and Laura tells each child that they and their classmates matter, that we all bring something different and that every emotion is welcomed.
Within our close knit group of mums and dads, it’s possible to see how parents can take these principles and put them into action differently. We can all bring Montessori home in a way that’s authentic to us as individual parents with very different children. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Natalia is a website designer, trainee parent coach and mum to a one year old.
