How to observe your toddler
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Developing your skills in observation is arguably one of the most powerful parenting tools.
If your child is at nursery you’ll be used to reading their practitioner’s observations of activities and developmental milestones, but have you ever considered the impact such insights would have on your home life?
During lockdown some parents have scrambled to create daily schedules of Pinterest worthy activities. And, whilst this works for some, we argue that while the whirlwind of childcare, classes, visits, parties and outings stands still, the greatest gift you can give your child is to reconnect and dig a little deeper. You’ll be greatly rewarded for your time and patience.
Why observe?
In short, observations help us see the little things we rarely notice in our busy day-to-day lives. It reveals our children’s interests, habits, struggles and allows their voices to be heard. In turn, this knowledge supports us to make (often tiny) but significant changes to:
Our homes and behaviour, to offer greater independence and learning opportunities,
Our confidence in planning activities and buying toys that respond to our individual child rather than peer pressure, social media and clever marketing,
Our bank balances by buying less, rotating more and using everyday objects for play.
Observing helps remind us who our toddler is, not who we want them to be, and that we don’t need to worry about teaching them, we simply need to follow what they want to learn.
Sounds good, doesn’t it?
Self observation
You are your child’s first educator and role model. The first step therefore is not to observe your child, but yourself. How much do you do for them? How often do you interrupt and why, is it because of safety or mess? How often do you correct? How do you demonstrate new skills and how do different adults in the home respond differently?
Perhaps start with a meal time and take a moment to notice everything you do. Does your child have any role in preparing the food and laying the table? Do you spoon feed them? Who decides when they leave the table? Does food get thrown? What about cleaning up, who deals with spillages? Do conflicts occur and if so what triggers them?
What would the same scenario look like if your baseline was to provide the least assistance possible. What do you need to demonstrate before asking this of your child? Give it a go.
How to observe
Lockdown or no lockdown, it's unlikely you’ll have time to carry out regular observations, but all parents will be familiar with time standing still as you watch in amazement your toddler master something that just yesterday was out of reach. All we are asking is that in these moments you follow a few rules, observe with purpose and action accordingly. They are always unplanned, snatched in the moment when siblings aren’t around and you’re in the right frame of mind. When these rare and precious moments do occur, here’s our tips:
Sit quietly a distance away from their activity. Empty your mind of any preconceptions, tune in and absorb everything about your child. Imagine you’ve never met them before and remain as objective as possible.
Don’t interrupt or intervene unless it feels necessary.
Choose to focus on one of these areas or all of them: Concentration, fine motor skills (their grasp, hand movement), gross motor skills (climbing, throwing) language (singing, vocabulary), independence (relationship to adult), interests (animals, people, vehicles) and social interactions (greeting siblings, playing with friends). A fuller list can be found at the brilliant Montessori Notebook by Simone Davies.
Scribble notes or write lists of suggested actions based on what you’ve seen.
Acting on observations
Sometimes all you’ll have done is noticed your child’s development and you can leave it there. Other times, your observation might trigger a useful tweak to the room (maybe moving something into reach), an extension to the activity to make it more challenging or further activities based around a new found interest. Note though, this rarely means buying new expensive toys, this really isn’t what Montessori is all about.
Here a few examples:
Observation: Your child resists sitting down for a meal.
Action: Involve the child in preparing for meals. Create an area where they can access their tableware and cutlery and involve them in preparing the food, laying the table and serving the food and drink. We’ll share more on the home set-up next week.
Observation: Your child watches birds from the window for 10 minutes.
Action: Follow the child’s interest and check our Hibernation Hub on Instagram for further bird related activities and books.
Observation: Your child spends 20 minutes locking and unlocking a door.
Action: Buy or DIY a busy board which provides lots of opportunities for turning, flicking, rotating, unclasping and tying, to further develop fine motor skills.
Observation Your child picks up puzzle pieces with their thumb and index finger.
Action: Offer further activities such as pegging to develop this grasp and gradually increase the difficulty.
Observation: Your child has completely ignored the new construction game you bought them.
Action: Pack the game away and bring it out again if your child shows an interest in connecting and building at a later date. It’s time will come!
Karen Partridge founded Playhood and is mum to a two year old.
Laura Perfetti is an experienced Montessorian and Playhood Head of School.
We hope you’ve found this useful and if you’d like to go further in creating a Montessori home experience with spaces more likely to engage your toddler alongside some expert tips on toy rotation, we’ll be posting in the next few weeks. Follow us on Instagram for updates.
See here for more information on Playhood membership (we’ll be opening when lockdown ends:)